Why was I so concerned about my belly

by | Sep 29, 2021

Close friends of mine know that I have always battled with my weight.  I have been described as a bigger person and large boned was too many times.  While training for my Ironman races I would gain weight while Eric, who was eating the same as me and doing the same workouts, was losing weight.  I could always blame it on the fact that I had been diagnosed with hypothyroidism back in 1993 and more recently with Hashimotos with an ultrasound showing my thyroid is almost completely destroyed.

Through all my battles with weight, I just wanted a flat belly.  As I got older the fat rolls just kept coming no matter what I tried.  Most recently my belly became hard and round and full.  I was told by doctors that I had “meno belly”, that it was just to be expected as I aged and that I wasn’t eating enough to fuel my active lifestyle.  I now know that full, hard and round belly was cancer having its way in my abdomen.  Yes, I am frustrated because I think this could have been found well before it was not only if my doctors listened and stopped trying to write off my symptoms but if I had been a better advocate for myself.  I think in the back of my mind I knew something just wasn’t right but I put trust in those I thought knew better than me.

I don’t want to go an a tangent of blame but wanted to celebrate that the chemo is working.  I no longer have the bloating and hardness in my belly and am grateful to see those fat rolls again.  I will never complain about them again as for me in this moment they are a sign of healing and well being.  I am not saying I want to see more fat rolls but am content with the ones I have right now.  They can stay as long as they would like.

My gratitude today is for calm, dark cool mornings with my devotional, the life that I have led and the friends I have made and the ability to work from my guest bedroom of my house.

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