Sunday Scaries

by | Aug 30, 2021

What exactly are the Sunday Scaries?   I don’t know if I have a good definition to this term Eric introduced me to last night but I will try.   I believe it is that pit in your stomach when days start to become more scheduled, more routine, days of sleeping in and relaxing change to days of business and responsibility.

I had the Sunday Scaries last night.  mine were like I describe above but also became filled with thoughts of my cancer and my future.  Worries about what will happen if despite my treatment I am not able to beat this disease.  What will I tell my family, friends and most importantly my kids.  I don’t want them them grow up without a mom.  What will happen to the house that I struggled for years to keep so the kids could stay in their home.  The sacrifices made to try and build a retirement plan to ensure I had money to retire, to pay the house off when I am able to retire and to travel, finally go to Spain.

My mind kept going to thoughts of how I wasted time and stressed on the the wrong things.  I should have been traveling and not worrying.  I should have trusted God to provide and not rely on myself solely.  I have said before how I have felt like I have always been in a fight for something, things never came to me easily.  I am not sure I can call it strength but more a basic need for survival.  I can however say that through the fight I was able to see God in my most desperate times.  There were many small miracles along the way that I know he had his hand in.  Those were the times I was reminded that in my times of fear to find gratitude on the small things.

Today as I start the week, I start with gratitude that I have a job I love that allows me to work from home, I have friends who love me and want to care for me, I have my family and two of the best brothers I could ask for, I have Eric who is always my rock and willing to redirect my thoughts when I need it, I have my home and even though it gets messy at times, it is a house of love and comfort and I have my silly dog who honestly drives me crazy but also makes me laugh at time with her antics.  Proof is in the picture courtesy of Luke.

Please continue to pray and reach out in kindness.  Love and peace to everyone reading this.

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