Round 5

by | Oct 7, 2021

Today as I prepare for my fifth round of chemo I am met with many emotions.  Of course my head is all over the place, dreading the side effects that will undoubtly show up, faith that this is the course I need to be on to get better, fear that I have cancer, love for all who have walked with me and continue to be there for me.

Friends are still stopping by to spend time with me, dinner with Kim last night was so needed.  I know there are prayers for me from all over, please keep them coming.  Family and friends are texting and checking in with me to see how I am doing.  Everything thing keeps me spirits lifted and my mind in a positive frame with a purpose to keep fighting.

I won’t be able to walk this morning because my appointment is early.  I was supposed to meet with the doctor and have my list of questions for him.  I was disappointed yesterday when his office called to let me know the doctor had a meeting and would not be able to see me today, instead I would meet with the nurse.  The same nurse who made me wait over an hour to meet with her on my last visit.  I do plan to share my feelings about both times with her today and hope she is able to answer my questions.  I need to know what their plan is for my care and treatment and I want to know there is agreement on what it is.  I feel great which to me means the chemo is working but I don’t know what comes after or when.  It is all a very frustrating process but I am finally in a place mentally that I can ask the questions and make decisions.

I have been able to allow myself to see my future with health.  I have been looking into trips to Spain, Dude Ranches and other outings that I would have denied myself pre cancer.  I guess if there is a positive to this diagnosis it is that I am willing to take risks and step out of the fear my finances previously had me in.  I never felt I was in a financial position to take that trip to spain but darnit I am going to do it.

Gratitude for today: Th peace of mind to let my fears go, chemotherapy that is working to kill my cancer cells, relief from the side effects that as short lived.

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