Pushing Through #6

by | Oct 21, 2021

Did you see the moon and clouds this morning?  I did and it was awesome.  So awesome that I needed to run outside in my bare feet at 5:30 to get a picture.  The full fall moons are always quite special but I found some meaning in this one.

First. whenever there is light like this in the sky I think of my Dad who passed away a few years ago.  The light in the sky reminds me to remember the fun times I had with him.  Not all of my time with my Dad was fun.  I was the only daughter to a man who grew up in Staten Island as an only child. I don’t know much of his childhood but Dad was always protective of me.  Sometimes too protective.  I loved my Dad for who he was, faults and all.

The photo I had to take this morning brought back happy times with my Dad but also made me feel like I am somehow that moon.  I am the big, bright and full moon struggling to shine through the multitude of clouds trying desperately to dim my light.  Just like the moon, I believe my purpose is to keep shining no matter what obstacles are in front of me.  That moon didn’t care that the clouds were trying to block its light, it just kept shining waiting for the breaks in the clouds to be seen.

Today I go in for treatment number 6.  I will admit, I worry about the side effects and how the exhaustion I usually feel will block out pieces of me as it works its way into and then out of my body.  I plan to keep this photo of the moon as a reminder that even though there will be obstacles to my being able to shine, I will just do what I always do knowing there will be moments when I can shine and eventually all the clouds will be gone and it will be just me.  Just me shining as bright as can be.

Today I also remember my Dad.  Yes I did say hello to him as I believe he sent this message to me today.  To remind me he is still my angel looking out for me and riding along on this journey with me.  Dad I hope it is many years until I see you again.  Until then keep shining for me.

My gratitude for today is for the chemo that even though causes me to feel awful is working to remove the cancer in my abdomen, for the multitude of friends who have called, texted and brought meals and for today as I don’t know how many todays I will have.



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