Monday again….

by | Jul 26, 2021

Mondays are always kind of a blah day for me.  They bring the end of the weekend along with early morning wake up alarms.  I set my alarm for 5:30 am so I can spend some time in my day in the quiet.  Mornings are peaceful, before the dog is up, before Luke is up and heading to track practice, before the sun is fully in the sky.  I enjoy this time of day more than any other time.

Cancer has made this time different for me.  While I still enjoy getting up early it means my mind starts thinking.  Yes I have to pull that leash back tight a lot.  I find it helps to start my day with prayer to God.  It helps me to settle my thoughts and to be grateful for what I do have. I have a comfortable home in which I was able to raise my children, I have a job that allows me to pay my bills and be independent, I have a dog who loves me more that anything, I have a boyfriend who is willing to sit by my side when I am happy and when I am sad, I have family who sends me F*ck Cancer t-shirts and remined me to focus on one thing at a time and I have the best circle of friends who I know will support me all along this journey.

I am blessed.  That doesn’t mean I do or won’t have times when I feel like the whole world is caving in on me but I know you will be there to lift me up and carry me when I need it. I am going to need it which will be hard for me.  I feel like my life has always been lived in fight mode.  Through my divorce and trying to keep things stable for my children = Fight mode, Walking with Brooke as she struggled with mental illness and anxiety and depression = fight mode, my own struggles with anxiety and depression = fight mode, and now cancer……… I know this needs to be fight mode but I am afraid.  Afraid I don’t have that kind of fight in me.  This is a different kind of fight but I am up for the battle because I know I have an army behind me.

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