Always someone Suffering more

by | Dec 14, 2021

Today I was starting to feel a little sorry for myself.  I think the anxiety of this being a chemo week has been a little harder this week to hold back.  They tell me the side effects I am feeling are not from the current treatment but is cumulative and comes from the treatments weeks before.  Right now I am having neuropathy in both hands and feet as well as numbness in my face and lips.  Honestly, that is it so I should be grateful, and I am.  I just want an end to this chemo so I can move to the next phase of treatment and healing.  My need to be in control is strong right now but I can’t control this process, it controls me.

This morning the news is full of lives lost to tornadoes, I believe the toll is now above 80. Can you imagine what those people went through?  Some working night shift making candles, some shipping our Christmas gifts while others were asleep and woke to the tragedy.  Life is so unpredictable.  I would take what I am going through over what those folks are dealing with any day.  I pray they find peace and can rebuild and move on.

A friend of mine just had brain surgery for a glioblastoma.  They took out a piece of his skull, did some work, then replaced it.  He is struggling to get control of his left side again and will need to go to rehab for quite a while.  He is a husband, a dad of two teenage boys and an Ironman.  My troubles seem small compared to his.

Right now on the streets of Doylestown, there are homeless people fighting to stay warm on this cold morning. There are places they can go but many of them are too proud to accept the help.  Others may be sleeping in one of the host churches for code blue but are about to be sent out into the cold, alone, so life can continue as if they were never there.  I pray for all those homeless and am grateful for places like code blue that take them in and give them hot coffee and a hot meal.  Again, my problems are small.

While I would prefer to not have to receive chemo every other week and have an unsure outcome, I am grateful to be here.  I am 9 treatments in and I can still work and manage a “normal life”.  I admit I am a little slower but I am moving. I have a home that keeps Luke and I warm and safe.  My cancer is stable and shrinking, all good signs that the little fuckers are jumping ship before the great chemo wave comes for them.  I have so many family and friends.  I am trying my best to see as many friends as I can but it is all moment by moment.

I love that I was able to spend some time this weekend with longtime friends from Masters Swimming.  We are all aging gracefully and can pick up as if we were still burning it up in the pool.  I was also able to see a good friend play some music without being interrupted to pour a beer.  That night there were so many friends there I have not seen in a while.  Greg, John, Meg and Greg….it was such a blessing to see you out.  Thank you for the amazing, but quiet, music Steve.  Love you and Angelique so very much.

Looking forward to catching up with other friends over the holidays.  I have never worked in a Pharma environment so this will be the first time I have the week between Christmas and New Year off and paid.  I also have some vacation time that is use it or lose it.  So I choose to use it and hope to get some visits with friends in.

God is great!

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