by | Nov 11, 2021

Beloved, you can ask My Spirit to help you find freedom from condemning feelings.

Cancer is condemning.  It forces you to be strong when you really don’t want to.  You find yourself questioning most decisions you ever made… was that when it started?  You wonder if you could have done things different and experienced more joy.

I realized through all the thoughts and questions that race in my mind I am sad feeling like I never really loved and was loved.  Ironically this has been a recent thought that races.  Last night I was talking with a friend who described having that kind of love.  It isn’t prefect but it works and their love is deep.  While she talked and shared with me how their relationship started and progressed into more than friends, I reminded her to be grateful to have been able to experience that.  The words just spilled out, I hope they were taken in love and truth as I believe many of us have never loved like that.

Yes I had boyfriends and I was married but I never felt I was in a relationship because of a strong love of the person.  I may die and never have that experience.  What is it like?  I reminded my friend of that and tears fell from her cheeks, she knows and I wish I did too.

I can’t change the past but I can help set my path for my future.  I don’t want to leave this earth with any regrets.  I want to enjoy as much of life as I can.  I will, with his help.

Todays gratitude:  Grateful for the sound of the heat turning on in the morning, for freshly cleaned flannel sheets, probably the most comfortable thing I own and for second chances.

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